


indigo eyes

by Lothely



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Angst, BAMF Okumura Rin, Betrayal, Betrayed Okumura Rin, Dark Okumura Yukio, Demon Okumura Rin, Depressed Okumura Rin, Final Battle, Friends doesn't exist here, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Okumura Rin, Not Okumura Yukio Friendly, Not Really Character Death, Okumura Rin Needs a Hug, Okumura Rin-centric, Possible Character Death, Post-Betrayal, Tired Okumura Rin, no beta we die like (wo)men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:21:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29504739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lothely/pseuds/Lothely
Summary: Rin looked up to the sky wishing that it somehow could swallow him to spare him from suffering anymore. How could he ever expect that of all of the people, his own brother would be behind all of his pain?Rin gazes long into the abyss, and the abyss gazes also into him.It's the end of everything he came to know.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 45





	indigo eyes

**Author's Note:**

> hi there  
> just a little Rin-centric fic after i learned about Yukio's betrayal in the manga, though it's not a full spoiler  
> also i apologize in advance because english's not my first language  
> hope you like it xoxo
> 
> "Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster… for when you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you" - Nietzsche, the Abyss

**~**

**.**

The flames burning in indigo would probably be his only companion for beyond eternity, he thought in bitterness while gazing at the bloodied hands of his.

_Such opposites!_ Rin could almost laugh…, but the void in his chest sucked any emotions like a black hole absorbing stars. That pain specifically nothing could ever take away, nothing would be capable of making him forget the abyss he was deep inside.

It was not long ago when in Kyoto the spirit told him that one day he would have to choose between his two selves.

Rin never truly understood how everyone in his life - exorcists, demons, spirits and the whole underworld - so strongly refused to accept him as himself.

_A blue exorcist_ , Mephisto sang in mockery one too many times to his chagrin.

The naivety that chased him for years for believing that one day someone could see in him the beauty of anything at all also faded away as time passed. Someplace so apart from reality itself, he knows his Clock of Life didn’t work as it did with everyone else.

No one could ever understand or accept him as a whole.

Humans. Demons.

Two species crowded with their own greed and terrors, two resemblances that made them so unequally inapt to accept something that didn’t belong entirely to one of them. And Rin could neve be part of only.

Some childish need of his brain glued itself in hope that at least one person around him would accept him no matter the divergence in his both lives.

_Yukio._

His twin. His spiritual half. His blood.

His only and last living family.

But as he watched his brother so close yet so distant, taken too deep by darkness to see past it, Rin knew he never accepted him. 

The imitation of a sound escaped his throat and it was nowhere near any sort of laugh, but only a primitive grunt as depreciation sank in. The demoniac sword in his right hand weighed the same as a feather, but he felt like if he were to drop it the ground would open itself in two under his naked feet.

What had become of the world besides an endless war zone?

Actually, when in his mediocre existence had he been able to enjoy peace?

Rin looked up to the sky wishing that it somehow could swallow him to spare him from suffering anymore. How could he ever expect that of all of the people, his own brother would be behind all of his pain?

_Yukio._

He wished that the heat behind his eyes wouldn’t break into a cry as broken as his spirit was, as no one there could give a single fuck about the cries of a half-demon. He just needed everything to stop.

_His pain, his suffering, the betrayal._

The horrible and unspeakable truth that he had to conform to.

At the day of his End, whether at the hands of the illuminatis or the demonkind, Rin just wished to hug Shiro one last time. A hug that wasn’t embedded in fire, blood and tears.

Rin wished for a chance to redeem himself to his dad for what would leave his heart next.

“Yukio…”

And if the eyes so identical to his had even been capable of showing anything other than a hateful disdain, Rin could remember no more. Those long gone memories became bitter as the months flew, just as the taste of the food that refused to go down his throat, and yet was rather quick into leaving his stomach in violent jolts.

Nothing seemed to go past the barrier in which he was trapped, so he didn’t try to escape. Everyone present saw him as a monster, and those who doubted would soon know the truth.

> _Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster… for when you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you._

And did he have time to gaze into the abyss.

Disgust was noticeable all over his brother’s expression, even if his figure stood tall in superiority.

_(looking back to his memories, Rin could only remember that Yukio always wanted to be the better twin)_

Love wasn’t enough to save them.

Bitter with his realization, Rin couldn’t feel the need to try and hold back the tears in his burning blue eyes. The acid taste in his mouth reminded him of too many times where he laid on the bathroom floor after having a meal leaving his stomach, and even if he tried to smile he truly wouldn’t be capable of doing it because it had been months long ago since he last smiled.

_One’s love alone isn’t enough for a pair._

The betrayal burned inside his chest as the beats of his half-heart echoed loudly through his ears, making him feel he could explode any time now. Yet, nothing in his being screamed louder than the disappointment he felt.

“Yukio…”, the rareness of his voice wasn’t a surprise, neither was his young brother's roll of eyes who still had a gun aimed to his head.

Rin numbly noticed that Yukio’s indifference didn’t matter to him anymore.

“You’re my brother”

His twin’s sneer barely made him blink.

Maybe Yukio thought he would beg for his life. Maybe that’s exactly what he wanted: the official statement of his victory over his own brother, as he begged for mercy at his knees.

“But I will never forgive you”

The world seemed to stop at that moment.

The heaviness in his chest suddenly disappeared when he finally admitted out loud that he would forever ressent his younger brother for his betrayal, the words that for months he tried to ignore finally left his lips with a morbid realization of what was an undeniable truth.

But Rin couldn’t care less as shock became part of Yukio’s face at the next second, not even as exorcists, paladins and demons all froze in every direction.

In past times it would’ve been rather comical to even think that one mere sentence of him could make all of them freeze even for a fraction of a second, but now not even whole seconds of silence made him want to laugh in the least.

“Congrats, you’ve won… I just wonder if it was worth it”, Rin waved a hand to the unmistakable calamity around them: all the slaughtered bodies throw around like garbage, the wounded crowded in less than what was worthy, builds once so beautiful and sacred now scattered to the ground in pile of debris as, behind the two of them, the world burned.

Maybe at that moment Yukio noticed the weight of his actions.

Sadly it was way too late for Rin, and before his twin could even try to speak anything, his sword cut through the barrier that trapped him in a swift and soft move, so simple that it didn’t seem to have been the work of dozens of powerful exorcists.

Finally free of the chains that once held him back, he was now under shocked eyes of those he knew and also of strangers.

_No one thought of him capable of anything._

He allowed himself to breathe as the blue flames wrapped his body, the only that made him feel welcomed with open arms to simply be himself. Finally, he whispers o his brother,

“I hope that without me you can finally achieve happiness, brother”

That Christmas’s dawn was covered by indigo flames with an intensity unmatchable in all history, giving the deceased a rightful end and nurturing the wounded with a fire that licks them back to health through it’s demonic healing.

Rin gazes long into the abyss.

And the abyss gazes also into him.

_At nineteen years old the Blue Exorcist takes to himself the world’s greatest power and disappears for once and for all._

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! if you want to, leave a comment or a kudo <3
> 
> thank you for your time,  
> xoxo


End file.
